


hey hey, you you, i want to see your boyfriend

by ruluan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Gen, M/M, POV Outsider, Social Media, Stalking, TikTok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruluan/pseuds/ruluan
Summary: A plant tour tiktok is lulling him to sleep when he’s suddenly startled awake by the roar of a car engine emanating from his phone. He grudgingly opens his eyes to some rando with Kenma hair doing a car tour for their fancy ass Tesla Model 3. Admittedly, the Kenma hair looks really good styled in a messy half up top knot, and their arms areunbelievable, but they’re also currently crying from laughter while demonstrating the fart mode. Is this person mentally 5 years old?He lifts his hand for the first time in 3 hours to skip this nonsense when the person finally sobers up to say, “I’m so ready to prank the fuck out of my boyfriend with this. Stay tuned for part 2!”His arm freezes in midair. He literally can’t process what he’s seeing and hearing right now, brain stuck on one single word.Boyfriend?Listen. Donghyuck is a normal teenage boy. And as any normal teenage boy would do, he immediately goes to this person’s profile to sleuth the fuck out of this boyfriend situation.---Or, Johnny is tiktok famous. Donghyuck stumbles on his profile and suddenly needs to know everything about his life, especially his boyfriend.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	hey hey, you you, i want to see your boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> alternate universe where logic doesn’t exist hehe. i wrote this very quickly and it is not actually good but i’m trying to get over my inability to finish things, which brings us to the here and now
> 
> the entire basis of this story is online stalking, so if that does not make you feel comfortable, then pls exit!
> 
> that being said i CANNOT be the only person who does this lol

Donghyuck is a normal teenage boy. He eats enough to feed 3 horses, laughs far too loud when he’s out with his friends, spends all his money on Overwatch skins, and stays up until 3AM watching Tik Tok videos.

He’s in the middle of his nightly Tik Tok ritual right now, currently at the point where he’ll just sit through watching the boring ones so he doesn’t have to move his thumb to swipe past them. He recently invested in one of those bed mounts for his phone, so the amount of effort is truly minimal on his part—just the way he likes it. 

A plant tour tiktok is lulling him to sleep when he’s suddenly startled awake by the roar of a car engine emanating from his phone. He grudgingly opens his eyes to some rando with Kenma hair doing a car tour for their fancy ass Tesla Model 3. Admittedly, the Kenma hair looks really good styled in a messy half-up top knot, and their arms are _unbelievable_ , but they’re also currently crying from laughter while demonstrating the fart mode. Is this person mentally 5 years old?

He lifts his hand for the first time in 3 hours to skip this nonsense when the person finally sobers up to say, “I’m so ready to prank the fuck out of my boyfriend with this. Stay tuned for part 2!”

His arm freezes in midair. A tiktok of someone doing the “Wipe It Down” challenge begins to autoplay. Donghyuck hasn’t watched a “Wipe It Down” challenge video in full in 3 months—he saw one and felt like he got the concept enough that he didn’t need to watch another one ever again. Right now, though, he literally can’t process what he’s seeing and hearing to stop it, brain stuck on one single word. 

_Boyfriend?_

Listen. Donghyuck is a normal teenage boy. And as any normal teenage boy would do, he immediately goes to this person’s profile to sleuth the fuck out of this boyfriend situation. 

He quickly finds out Kenma wannabe’s name (Johnny), age (25), and pronouns (he/him). He finds out that Johnny is Korean American, loves coffee (claims his father invented it?), and barely knows how to speak without making a joke. Donghyuck starts watching the “Freaky Handshake” video put together by Johnny and some dude named Mark, but almost throws his phone when he gets to the end and realizes Mark is “just a friend”. Where the fuck is the boyfriend?!

When Johnny plugs his instagram in a behind the scenes video of a photo shoot he did with his other “friend”, Jaehyun (2 bros, shirtless, 0 feet apart because they’re not dating?? NOT LIKELY), he feels like he’s hit the jackpot. The instagram _has_ to have some sort of clues. Who the fuck didn’t post about their partners on their instagram? In 2020??

@j0hnnyjsuh, apparently. Donghyuck pulls his phone from the bed mount, needing the screen as close to his face as possible to see any potential clues. He scrolls all the way past more coffee, some suit pics, a video of Mark rapping, a gym mirror pic, and some noraebang videos. Nothing. Except—

There’s one photo from February of 2017. Johnny has his back to the camera, arm stretched back to hold the hand of his photographer. The caption reads, “hands touching hands :)”.

Donghyuck scoffs. He doesn’t know this guy, but just from his online presence, he can already picture him belting “Sweet Caroline” unprompted in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings, entirely sober. He zooms in on the hands to see any identifying features—moles? A ring?—when his traitorous fingers slip and his phone lands smack-dab on his face.

_Ow._ Donghyuck pulls his phone away to rub at his nose. That shit _hurts_. He pulls his phone up to see how ashamed of the greasy nose print he should be. This is one of the few nights he refrained from ordering fried chicken at 1AM, so he’s gratified to see that it’s actually not that bad. He swipes at the screen to clean the little imprint his nose did manage to leave behind, only to accidentally double tap the photo. 

From 2017.

His brain completely empties for the second time that night. After about a full minute of mindless static, he springs into action. He unlikes the photo, swipes away from Johnny’s instagram profile, closes the app, locks his phone, throws it onto his bedside table, pulls the covers over his head, and resolutely refuses to overthink his actions from the past 2 hours.

Johnny literally has, like, 500,000 followers. There’s no way he would notice or care that some idiot liked his photo at 5AM on a Tuesday night. This is just a sign from up above that he really needed to sleep before his 11AM class in 6 hours. Of course. With these excuses repeating like a mantra in his head, he finally drifts off to sleep.

The harsh glare of the morning sun brings Donghyuck back to reality the next morning. What the _fuck_ was he doing? If Johnny wanted his followers to see his boyfriend, it would be easily accessible information. Donghyuck wouldn’t have had to scour his social media accounts. In fact, that’s probably exactly why he _shouldn’t_ have. 

Honestly, he has bigger problems to worry about than somebody he’s never even met before. Like, will Taeil help fund his PS5 if he promises never to do aegyo ever again? Has he collected enough chamsims on Idol Champ for SHINee’s inevitable comeback now that Minho’s out of the army? And what are the greater implications of aespa’s AIs on parasocial relationships between fans and idols? 

He sighs as he packs his bag for class, pushing thoughts of Johnny to the back of his mind for the whole 15-minute walk to the arts building across campus. Maybe he should use his research skills to actually pass his classes this semester first.

Yeah, right.

A week later, he’s almost completely forgotten about his weird obsessive foray into Johnny’s personal life. He’s back to doing what normal teenage boys do—that is, eating enough to feed 3 horses, laughing far too loud when he’s out with his friends, spending all his money on Overwatch skins, and browsing subtle asian dating out of complete and utter boredom. 

(He refuses to be judged. If Facebook insists on sending him notifications for random popular posts in the group, he will insist on clicking them.)

That being said, he hasn’t cracked a smile for the past 50 posts he’s seen. Belief in the failure of Facebook as a platform affirmed, he’s about to exit out and move on, but his eyes catch on a very familiar head of Kenma hair. He scrolls up to the post it’s attached to, which reads:

  
  
  


**Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul**  
3 hours ago

GREETINGS, SAD COMMUNITY❗

you’ve all seen your share of auction posts. BUT HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A NOT-FOR-AUCTION POST❓❓

beloved member of the small but mighty asian american tiktoker community, johnny j suh, is NO LONGER ON THE MARKET. WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING? (me. i called it mere hours after i introduced them. you’re welcome, bbs)

i hear your cheers of joy! you’re happy for him! you’re probably not as happy as me, who had to listen to him whining about his fucking crush for 6 full months before they started dating! 

as his best friend and manager, let me get the answers to some of your burning questions out of the way:

🐻 yes, his boo is doyoung, that cute youtube cover artist  
🐰 yes, they are very happy together, and have been for the past 3 years  
🐻 yes, they kept their relationship quiet so they could build their followings independent of each other  
🐰 yes, they wanted to let you all know now because i’m pretty sure johnny’s buying a fucking ring as we fucking speak  
🐻 yes, that was an exaggeration but basically they’re real fucking committed so don’t tear them apart or else

now can you all stop thirst DMing him on ig pls! i do not post things for him but i do vet his messages and i did not want to know some of these words you all are using existed

thank you ~~

xoxo gossip gay 😘

  
  
  


Donghyuck skims the post before lending his undivided attention towards examining the photo that initially caught his eye. It’s a preview of an instagram post, but even in the tiny thumbnail, he can see two aggressively smiling faces filling the square, pressed cheek-to-cheek. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen two people so happy before.

He clicks into the instagram link in the post to read the caption.

“fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times… maybe i’m just a fool for you. happy 3rd doie :)”

It’s not like it’s the most romantic shit Donghyuck has ever heard in his life. Still, it’s making his chest feel uncomfortably warm and soft and tingly. He blinks, hand as stiff as a chicken foot clenched over his chest. Is this how Timon and Pumbaa felt during _The Lion King_? Is this what it feels like to feel the love tonight?

He isn’t really sure what he was looking for when he first dove into Johnny’s profile. Just to see what kind of person his partner was? Or just an inability to leave any question unresolved? Probably a mix of both. 

An epic love story, though? _Not_ what he signed up for. People in relationships actually being in love and expressing that love for each other? No, thanks.

So, he revisits Johnny’s tiktok page to check up on the boyfriend prank. It features Johnny driving away as soon as Doyoung approaches his car door, forcing Doyoung to run frantically after him. Once Doyoung finally manages to wrangle the car door open, a fart noise predictably emanates the second his butt makes contact with the seat. 

“JOHNNY!” Doyoung shrieks as Johnny laughs hysterically in the background, and Donghyuck smiles. That’s more like it.

**Author's Note:**

> CASE FUCKING CLOSED DONGHYUCK DELETES BOTH TIKTOK AND FACEBOOK AND DIVESTS FROM SOCIAL MEDIA!!!! THE END!!!!!
> 
> yes teslas rly do have fart modes but i do not believe it is a good enough reason to get one bc elon musk is the devil
> 
> i’m literally just practicing writing by writing anything and putting it out there lmao con crit welcome bc i’m genuinely trying to get better. thank you for reading!!


End file.
